Wrestling Rant

Monday Night Raw opened with the Hornswoggle vs. Mr. McMahon match. You know, almost every time that Vince walks the ramp (especially so if he is in wrestling gear), I have to chuckle. See, I can't help but remember the Vince McMahon of my childhood, the 1980's, skinny announcer, pre-powerwalking Vince. It's really quite remarkable how big he is now, when compared to the younger Vince McMahon.

Anyhow, enough reminiscing... Hornswoggle vs. Vince:

I can't say that I was looking forward to this match since they announced it last week. To be honest, I don't really like where the whole story line has gone, and is going (Seriously, a steel cage match next week? C'mon). Regardless, there were some things to talk about:
* An Elbow & Collar tie-up between a 6'2" man and a 'little person'. Um, what's the point?
* Speaking of points, Vince McMahon's incredibly pointy elbows. I'd swear he had 'pointy elbow implants', if there were such a thing
* A 'Test of Strength' between a 6'2" man and a 'little person'. Again, what's the point? Heh.
* Finlay clubbing Vince McMahon with a shillelagh. My gut reaction was, 'Holy s***! He really hit him!'. We would see later in a promo with William Regal that Vince, indeed, was clubbed. He had a huge golf ball-sized bump on the back of his head. It looked like the lump that appears when an anvil is dropped on Wile E. Coyote. Ouch.

Y2J vs. JBL. A fairly good-paced match. I was surprised to see Chris Jericho using some dirty tactics (forehead biting, face raking, etc), but I suppose this is a part of the 'new Jericho'. Jericho also did a nice step-up enzuigiri, reminiscent of shining wizard. The match ended with Jericho's new finisher, the codebreaker, and Y2J getting the pin. I was actually fairly bummed that this is his new finisher, an obvious rip off of Carlito's backstabber. Umaga ran in after the match and gave samoan spikes to both Y2J and JBL. I can't say that this surprised me... I've never seen the Umaga character as having loyalty to anyone. he's a stand-alone character.

Tonight, we also saw an anti-steriod WWE PSA featuring John Cena. Viewing Audience, we've been put on notice... In addition to the locker room, the entire viewing audience is now governed by WWE's Wellness Program. So don't use drugs, use steroids or growth hormones... and watch what allergy medications you take or we'll all be suspended. There are no shortcuts to your goals.

Next up, the re-introduction of Paul Burchill (& his 'sister'), vs. Brian Kendrick. It irritated me that JR acted as if we'd never seen Paul Burchill before. ('...very talented, or so we have been told'). It's hard to forget the pirate gimmick, JR. No, he wasn't on Raw before, but still.
...oh by the way, the WKC Dog Show is now being shown on CNBC. Dog sRule! (if you watched Raw, you know what I am talking about) ...now back to the rant...
Paul Burchill does have a pretty cool finisher now... it's his old finisher from OVW, the Curb Stomp (deathlock surfboard followed by a head stomp into the canvas). He followed this with a rolling cutter.
A couple of side notes:
* Stop the subliminal incestuous chemistry gimmick between the Burchills now. It's freakin' creepy.
* It's really a shame that Kendrick is being wasted as a jobber. The guy has a lot of talent. Seriously, he's becoming the Raw version of ECW's Colin Delaney.

We saw Cena vs. Mark Henry with RKO at the announce table last night. Not much to note except it was a relatively short match. I'm sure 'the message' was supposed to be, 'Cena can beat Henry in about three minutes', but the message I received (and I'm sure many other marks received) was, 'we're continuing to rest Cena'.
Side note:
* None of believe that the Randy Orton character is afraid of Cena to the point that he won't make eye contact or stand up. Ridiculous.

Kennedy & Ric Flair in-ring promo. Great promo. Awesome promo. These two characters were made to rant at each other. I have to say, I'm pretty damn excited about the possibilities here. Not that I am necessarily excited about the match itself, but the possibilities afterward (Sorry, I'm not a Ric Flair fan. I haven't been in many years. Frankly, he's boring). Regardless of who wins, picture Flair taking Kennedy under his wing and mentoring him. I agreed with what HBK said at the Royal Rumble about the similarities between the two characters (loud mouth with platinum blond hair with catch phrase, that gimmick will never work), but agree even more so after last night's promo. Honestly, I am hoping that what HBK said was foreshadowing. I wouldn't consider it a predictions, but I would like to see Kennedy retire Flair, they shake hands, Flair retires from wrestling and becomes Kennedy's valet.
Side note:
* Kennedy's Flair strut is hilarious

There was Divas match between Maria & Melina last night. It wasn't as bad as usual Diva matches we've been seeing. Not much overselling or missed spots. Melina has certainly improved and executed a pretty cool octopus stretch that I'd not seen her use before. The screeching and squealing still irritates the Hell out of me, and there was more than usual last night. Whoever in creative told the Divas, 'okay, I'd like you to give us more squealing' is a moron.
Side note:
* We still don't care about Divas being in Playboy.
* Someone please teach Maria how to throw a clothesline (Bradshaw, I'm looking at you)

The Main Event was Shawn Michaels vs. Jeff Hardy. As one would expect, a match with good pace and good action. For once I didn't get irritated with HBK's tired signature moves (nip-up, elbow drop, inverted atomic drop, etc. Sweet Chin Music always irritates me. Whenever he throws SCM I want someone to capture suplex him), they actually fit into this match quite well. HBK busted Jeff Hardy open after a very hard clothesline (HBK, maybe you should be the one to teach Maria). Soon after Jeff was seen bleeding from the nose and lip piercing. We also saw HBK put various submissions on Jeff, who would then escape. The match ended with a Swanton (of course), giving Jeff Hardy the win. I hope they let Jeff main event Wrestlemania, instead of building him up like they did before the loss at Royal Rumble. It's time for a different kind of champion.

Final side note:
Week #2 with no sign of Triple H. Well, at least they didn't replace him with the fugliest of fuglies, Gene Snitsky, like they did last week.

I was just at WWE's corporate site looking at press releases and found the following headline: 'Gillette Announces New "Tag Team" partner, WWE Superstar John Cena'

What the Hell? Okay, there's a couple issues that I have with this:

#1: The majority of John Cena's fan base are kids. Seriously, in my opinion, you have to be under 12 years old to like John Cena's current character. Unless somewhere in the country, there is a large colony of 10 year olds with overgrown beards, from a marketing standpoint, this is just silly.

#2: According to the press release, the new razor that Cena will be promoting is called the Gillette Phenom. Um, wouldn't the obvious choice of spokesperson be the Undertaker? I've heard commentators Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, etc. call 'Taker 'The Phenom' more times than I can count. What's the matter Gillette? Don't you want the 'Deadman' as your spokesperson, telling viewers to let their stubble 'Rest... In... Peace...'?

Anyhow, find the press release below... or if you prefer, here's a link to the article on WWE's corporate site: Gillette Announces New "Tag Team" Partner

Gillette Announces New “Tag Team” partner, WWE® Superstar John Cena® News Headline

Multi-talented star will be featured in new Gillette Phenom razor campaign and other promotional initiatives

Boston, MA, February 11, 2008 – Gillette®, part of The Procter & Gamble Company (NYSE: PG), today announced a new relationship with WWE Superstar John Cena to promote its line of premium blades and razors, shave preparations and personal care items. Cena, a native of West Newbury, Massachusetts, will be featured in the advertising campaign for the launch of the new Gillette Fusion Phenom razor, as well as public appearances at mobile marketing events throughout the United States during the summer of 2008.

Cena, who has held the WWE Championship three times, the U. S. Championship three times, and the World Tag Team Championship, is also an actor and musical artist. In 2007, he starred in Fast Cars and Superstars: The Gillette Young Guns Celebrity Race. He placed second in the speed challenge and first in the accuracy challenge before ultimately losing in the final episode to NFL Hall of Fame quarterback John Elway and placing third overall in the competition.

“John is an incredible talent. His appeal as a sports entertainer, actor and musical artist is perfect for our new razor and personal grooming products campaigns,” said Michelle Potorski, Associate Marketing Director, Gillette North America. “He made a fantastic impression when we worked with him on the television series, and he embodies the qualities we are looking for in a spokesperson, someone who believes that looking good is a critical part of performing at your best.”

Cena will make his debut as a Gillette spokesperson in a television commercial breaking in mid-February. Cena’s work with Gillette will be promoting Male Shaving Category products (including razors, blades, and shave preparations) and Personal Care products (including deodorants, antiperspirants, and body care products).

“I had a great experience working with Gillette on Fast Cars and Superstars and I am exciting about working with such a respected brand,” said Cena. “It’s great to be associated with Gillette. I have been a loyal Gillette man since I started shaving.”

About Procter & Gamble
Three billion times a day, P&G brands touch the lives of people around the world. The company has one of the strongest portfolios of trusted, quality, leadership brands, including Pampers(R), Tide(R), Ariel(R), Always(R), Whisper(R), Pantene(R), Mach3(R), Bounty(R), Dawn(R), Pringles(R), Folgers(R), Charmin(R), Downy(R), Lenor(R), Iams(R), Crest®, Oral-B®, Actonel®, Duracell®, Olay®, Head & Shoulders®, Wella®, Gillette(R), and Braun(R). The P&G community consists of over 135,000 employees working in over 80 countries worldwide. Please visit http://www.pg.com for the latest news and in-depth information about P&G and its brands.
###

Gillette: Mike Norton +1 617 421 8201 norton.mr@pg.com
Taylor: Rick Liebling +1 212 714 1280 rliebling@taylorpr.com

Source: World Wrestling Entertainment

So last night was TNA's Against All Odds PPV. As I said in a previous entry, I wasn't going to buy this PPV, and I didn't. So, honestly, I don't have a whole lot to comment on, with the exception of...

Apparently the Abyss vs Judas Mesias did not happen in Greenville, but instead was taped at the iMPACT! Zone in Orlando and shown to the live audience on the screens. I mean, what kind of BS is this? Heh. If you knew, TNA, that the South Carolina Athletic Commission wasn't going to allow the match, then obviously you should have done the PPV somewhere else. Seriously, TNA continues to spiral into the depths of amateur hour.

What a load of crap.

So, until TNA bring up the quality (as The Rock would say, 'waaay up!'), I, and many others will continue not to support you. I am all for supporting the little company, but you need to get your act together first.

On a positive note, Rhino made his return last night

I was just at Planet WWE, and at the top of the homepage was the following banner:

It looks like the WWE is doing another campaign with Habbo. As you can see from the banner, Habbo is having a 'Build the Best Elimination Chamber Room' competition. If you click the banner, it will take to you the Habbo No Way Out group page, which features WWE's No Way Out trailer, a Habbo-ized poster of Jeff Hardy, as well as Habbo-ized Superstars. There are Umaga (or U-Manga as William Regal would say), Triple H, Shawn Michaels and Jeff Hardy that were used in the Habbo Royal Rumble. Looks like Chris Jericho and JBL have been added for No Way Out. Very Cute.

I looked at the Habbo.com news articles, but there was nothing posted about the competition, or prizing (In the Royal Rumble campaign, the Grand Prize was two tickets to Wrestlemania with airfare & accommodations). I don't think anything has officially been announced, but word seems to have gotten out. As I'm writing this there are already over 700 Habbos in the No Way Out Group.

If you recall, last month I wrote a few blurbs about the Habbo WWE Royal Rumble Campaign. Looks like this partnership may be a trend.

When I know more, you'll know more...

Oh, what's Habbo? From last month's press release:

About Habbo:

Habbo is a richly colorful, multi-dimensional virtual community and game environment for teens. Users join by creating a fully customized online character called a Habbo. From there, they can explore many public hang-outs, play a variety of games, connect with friends, decorate their own rooms, and have fun through creativity and self expression. Currently there are Habbo communities in 31 countries on five continents. To date, over 86 million Habbo characters have been created and 8.3 million unique users worldwide visit Habbo each month (source: Google Analytics). Habbo is operated by Sulake Corporation, a Finnish online entertainment company.

Yeah, I know what I said last week. 'TNA, I'm done with you'. What can I say? Last night after watching Survivor: Micronesia and Lost, I was browsing the guide, saw TNA and pressed the record button on the remote. I recorded/watched the second hour of TNA.

I have tried to get behind this show. Really hard. They don't make it easy.

Between the blatant gimmick infringement, announce team (yes, announce team. I'll comment more later), ultra-cheap production values and uninteresting writing, I just can't do it. Oh, and then there's Christy Hemme.

The first match I saw was 'okay'. Rock and Rave Infection vs. Curry Man & Shark Boy. I'm not sure why Christopher Daniels is doing the Curry Man bit. His other persona is much more entertaining. I mean, seriously... Curry Man is more like a character from Kaiju Big Battel. Shark Boy, no comment, except that I wish he'd stayed silent. Bah, forget it... I've given this match more thought than it deserved.

Next match, Tiger Mask vs. AJ Styles. Not much to say here either, except I love to watch AJ Styles... (but I wish he'd stay off of the mic, too). Moving on...

Christian Cage vs. Judas Mesias: I don't know why, but this match seemed really slow to me. There were some Lucha-esque 2nd rope moves (weren't very good). Christian makes a great headliner. I wish WWE would've given him more spotlight. One good thing about TNA, they give the non-bodybuilder types spotlight. I wish Vince would lose his bodybuilder fetish. Judas Mesias. This isn't TNA-specific, I never have been a big fan of the monster heel/face wrestlers. I don't know why. Maybe it was because we were told (forever) that Kane was nearly burned alive, as as the years went by, and lost more and more clothing, there wasn't one scar. Let's look at Undertaker for example... Taker's American Badass persona was much more frightening than rehashing the original Undertaker. Look at Viscera. Big Daddy V, to me anyway, is way more terrifying than the guy in the pantsuit. I know the monster personas will never go away... it's part of the tradition, but one can hope. To get back on topic and sum this up, Christian won, Abyss ran in, AJ Styles ran in, Kurt Angle ran in, Tomko ran in. Are we really to believe that Kurt hangs out in the back in dress pants, dress shoes with no shirt on? Heh.

Let's look at my gripes with TNA:

Gimmick Infringement
I've addressed gimmick rip-offs before, and I'm not gonna beat a dead horse. The bottom line, don't do it. It really gives an amateur feel to the show. Why revive and impersonate popular characters from your direct competitor's past? That won't win us over... it pisses us off.

Announce Team
I'm not sure why, but the announce team is important to me. I think it plays an important part in televised wrestling. Maybe it's because I am getting older. If you asked me why, I couldn't tell you, but I don't like listening to Mike Tenay and Don West. I don't 'believe' that they are experts. Their commentary reminds me of those bars where they show football footage and patrons can give the play-by-play. The timing and delivery isn't very good either. In the Christian vs Judas match, James Mitchel distracted Christian on the turnbuckle. Mike Tenay started talking about Judas' counter before Christian left the top rope. I have had, and still have, the same problem with Joey Styles. As great as 'old' ECW was, I hated the commentary, especially 'Oh my God!' and 'Cat Fight'. I hate it now. I thinks that's one of the major factors that I'm not that into the 'new' ECW (not to mention Vince changing Paul E's formula).

Ultra Cheap Production Values
Yes, I know TNA doesn't have the capital that WWE has, but come on. You're not that broke. Give the Rock and Roll Infection some real guitars. Hell, you can buy a Squier Fender Strat for $100. If you insist on AJ wearing a crown (still not clear why he does), don't buy one from the 'let's play dress-up' section of the dollar store.

Uninteresting Writing
I have found it hard to care about TNA's storylines. While I realize the important part is the wrestling, I also follow the storylines. As I've said previously in this blog, maybe it's due to my age. To me, wrestling is a soap opera for men. TNA just doesn't give me a reason to tune in week after week. To be blunt, if I miss a week, I don't care what happened.

Don't get me wrong, WWE isn't all roses and sunshine. They have their fair share of bad storylines too... Palumbo/Noble/McCool, Deuce & Domino, Edge/Vickie, remember Triple H/Kane/Katie Vick? Awful... WWE is the other extreme, too much writing...

To paraphrase Lance Storm (I don't remember the exact quote), "I like a little more sports in my entertainment". I want a happy medium between the two.

Christy Hemme
While not a main reason for my gripes, Christy has gotten increasingly annoying since moving to TNA. She was annoying on WWE, but not like now. I'm not sure if the current version is the real, or kayfabe Christy. It makes you wonder if in WWE they tried to tone down the spastic, annoying Christy, or on TNA if that is supposed to be a part of the character, or if that who she really is because there's more freedom on TNA. All I know, is I thought Melina squeals and screams were bad. They pale in comparison to Miss Hemme. Someone, please, get her some Ritalin and a gag.

Needless to say, I won't be buying 'Against All Odds'. You need to give me more reason to give you my money, TNA.

My final thought... Kurt, please get rid of those little white wrestling shoes. Those are way worse than Trip's old white cheerleader booties.

Yesterday, the WWE the CW Network announced that the 2008 season of Smackdown! will be the last season on the CW.

Actually, I found this shocking. Smackdown! has been on the UPN, and then the CW for ten years... and just last November, Smackdown! was #1 with viewers 34 and under.

Where does Smackdown! go from here? I seriously can't see one of the major networks giving Smackdown a primetime time slot. Sure, there are infrequent Saturday Night's Main Event airings on NBC, so there is some kind of relationship there, but after the failure of the XFL on NBC, I don't know if they'll give Vince another primetime slot. My only thought, is the soon to be doomed 'My TV' network. I haven't watched this channel ever since the WB network turned into My TV... does anyone?

I suppose there's always USA or another slot on Sci Fi, but I really think that Smackdown should be kept on a national network. Let's face it: A good share of Sports Entertainment viewers are 'less affluent'. Does the WWE really want to lose these viewers? Sure, all less affluent viewers wouldn't be lost... but I know from experience, I've been worse off in my life. When money is tight, cable is one of the expenses that get cut.

Heaven forbid that Smackdown! gets relegated to the internet like Velocity (cancelled) and Heat (uploaded on Fridays). Does anyone even watch the webcast?